March 30, 2012 by Amie M
1. Things don’t always go according to plan. You can work your butt off to present a great presentation on your work. You can have a great friend come up with practice questions to set you in the right mindframe. But your examiners can still choose that it’s not good enough, or what they were expecting. Or get fixated on the wording choices of what is the difference between minor and major revisions.
2. I can hold my head up high and take earth shattering news with just a nod of the head. I can fight back tears with a bite of the lip and couple blinks of an eye when I need to pay attention to what my options are.
3. I can fight my way back from frustration and anger to civility if needed. When people who have authority over your work change their minds about information they told you often and then they are quizzing you on it and its impacts on your results, and your degree and pride is on the line, you have to keep a cool head, and breathe.
4. I have a fantastic group of friends that love me, support me, and are there for me. They understand when I need a double scotch and a couple moments of silence or alone time to let a day’s events sink in. They also make great cakes, and know even better burgers.
5. My family loves me, and will support me through whatever I choose to do now. They are behind me, and have been for the past 3 years. One more semester of stress isn’t going to change that.
6. Paul loves me, and can put up with a lot. Three of the four years of our relationship have been during my M.Sc. I have gone from witty, charming, wonderful, fun, flirty girlfriend, to broody, moody, temperamental, stress-ball, negative bitch and back again so many times I’m surprised his head hasn’t exploded. Especially when the change has been overnight. But we both have learned our limits with stressors and how to deal with them, and love each other in spite of all of this.
7. I have a lot of thinking to do. I have three options with how I can choose to proceed. One was looking pretty good yesterday, but I have put 3 years into this monster, and I don’t want to throw that away, and all the money.
This weekend will be a lot of contemplation, weighing options and talking things out with Paul. While going to my best friend’s boyfriend’s birthday party, a clothing swap, hiking, and buying Peru supplies.
Thank you to my friends and family, and Paul, for showing me your love yesterday. It meant a lot.